ROCKSTAR (LIFE) UPDATE
Conversation picked up where I started recording while my mom was distracted. I am sure we were talking about my inability to find a girlfriend again, maybe about not playing Paddyfest…
MOM: Well Steve, that British funny show, turn that on. Ohh, but I don’t think Mikey can watch it?
ME: What?!? I’m not 12 mom…
MOM: Well…
ME: I know, I know. Hey mom, is it fair to say you’ll only be happy if I marry a Good Catholic Polish Girl – that is rich?
MOM: Well…
ME: Is there a Polish Mob? Is the Russian Mob Catholic?
MOM: Mmm, maybe Mike. But they’re not murderers, Mike. If you’re a catholic, you can’t be a murderer. You can’t be a murderer, and, I know, there is the mafias, and they may have murdered a few people in their time.
ME: The Italian Mafia were all Catholics, weren’t they?
MOM: Yeah… I don’t know how they got along that murdering thing… An eye for an eye? Maybe? That’s how they got it through, that way?
ME: So basically, what we’ve determined is –
MOM: Wait, wait Mikey! How did we get talking about the mob Mikey?
ME: I don’t know! <inaudible arguing> I know – we were talking about how I could marry somebody, and I said it could be a mafia person, that was ex-communicated. And you said that I wanted the mafia money.
MOM: That’s right.
ME: But, but, but, the tricky thing is the Catholic thing, and also they have to be Polish, because I have to marry a good Polish Catholic Girl.
MOM: Well, it doesn’t have to be Polish. It could be Italian Catholic, it could be French Catholic. It could be any religion, any Nationality-Catholic.
ME: As long as it’s Catholic.
MOM: As long as it’s Catholic.
ME: And she’s rich.
MOM: Rich would be preferred Mikey. I don’t know why you’d disagree with that theory.
ME: But, but, what if… what if… I became a Rockstar, then I wouldn’t have to marry rich.
MOM: That’s true, but you have to be a “successful” Rockstar. Do you know a guy named “Dixon”.
<<conversation about song writers, like this Dixon dude on CBC, and the BeeGees, “Island in the Stream”, and Prince, “you know, that little red car one”, and Sinead O’Connor and the Pope>>
ME: What if me and Damen went Nuts?
MOM: What, like Baldy? No, no, you need, you need… Did you know, Just Beiber only turned 25 this week? TWENTY-FIVE, Mikey. Twenty-Five!
ME: So, are you saying, I’m a little too late to the game?
MOM: I think you might be a l-i-t-t-l-e too late Mikey… I’ve never, I’ve never heard of anyone discovered at your age. Like, nobody. Nobody! I think you could win a lottery… I think your chances of winning a lottery are better.
ME: ugh.