Going Grey


MOM: Is that you playing Moonlight Sonata?

ME: No mom.

MOM: Well you should be. You can be playing through the pandemic.

ME: I don’t know how to play.

MOM: Well you’re playing there aren’t you? Did Tallulah learn how to take your picture?

ME: No mom.

MOM: I was going to say, that would be good if she could learn that, while you are learning Moonlight Sonata.

ME: No Mom. Pauline Emma took it the other night.

MOM: Well it’s a beautiful pic. Now, if you had been playing Moonlight Sonata… Don’t you remember how to play piano? Is it not like riding a bike?

ME: Noooooo mom. 30 plus years ago when I took lessons for a year or two, I couldn’t play it then either. You had to hear that racket.

MOM: Yes, I guess it wasn’t that long. I guess we should’ve made you keep doing it. Amanda did better, she was doing the Suzuki method, but we never bought the tapes…

ME: What? That’s not a thing, you can’t do that.

MOM: Well, I tried to copy the tapes off Kathy, but it didn’t work out so well. Now, Newtie went all the way, we could pay for her, and make her when you were all gone. Why don’t you take lessons, a proper lesson.

ME: I could find some on YouTube?

MOM: Yes, and you could make it your one pandemic goal. You could learn piano.

ME: I don’t know mom, all of my free time now is taken up by the old dog.

MOM: Well, she can listen.

ME: No she hates it, she comes over to make me stop, and makes me go sit on the couch.

MOM: Well, you need to learn to do something.

ME: I know. Damen and I tried to have a band practice, well, we’re not a band anymore…

MOM: Oh, how’d you try that?

ME: Through a Video Messenger, it didn’t work well – bad audio. I tried to play just off his singing, and he tried to play off watching my hands, but there was a time lag.

MOM: Well there you go, the band is done. You should apply for a Grant. For all the money you lost.

ME: I know, I know, we had the tour coming up.

MOM: Yes, see, there you go. Everybody is losing money these days. Your tour, the parties… you and Andy should both apply.

ME: I don’t know man.

MOM: The parties, the birthdays, our anniversary party, we were going to pay you thousands, just think about Mikey. The whole reunion tour – it’s done. You’re done. The songs you would’ve made.

ME: I don’t know man…

MOM: Your tours, and the parties, and just think of the emotional toil on your fan base. You know, those people that used to hear about you guys on Facebook. Okay, I’m going to go dye my hair now.

ME: I should too, all the grey on the sides of my head.

MOM: See, there you go, include the pictures, the stress this is causing on the band. Does Andy have greys?

ME: Just in his beard I think.

MOM: There you go, Mikey. And why weren’t you in that video with the Beiber boy? I don’t see why you weren’t in it? And Shawn Mendes wasn’t in it either. It makes no sense, you should’ve been in with the Biebers.